Tragedy once again strikes the American people as the villainous nose-picking virus, VillaiNose, takes the lives of 3,000 more individuals this month, those of whom primarily consist of stinky teenage boys and gross adult men. For some reason, the disease seems to target the post-pubescent male demographic. It is a current scientific assumption that girls have evolved beyond the virus.
We all know the signs by now, considering VillaiNose has been running rampant across the United States for the better part of this decade, but far too many people are learning to ignore the symptoms. Green snot will run down their nostrils, eventually turning into a bright and vibrant orange when the disease has reached its terminal stage. Hair starts falling out in large patches from the scalp and growing back in a dense thicket along the bridge of the infected individual's nose. Their skin becomes a startling fluorescent yellow color. See image for reference.
Fatality rates are skyrocketing. VillaiNose expert super scientist, Lana Banana-Womana, says "The only known cure at the moment is for these disgusting folks to stop digging for gold in their honkers." So far no one has come forth with any treatment plans, mostly as a result of the harsh discrimination against the victims. Anti-cure advocates claim that they're too yucky, stinky, nasty and that all nose-pickers should be left to rot in their snot.
Awareness campaigns are proving ineffective, and no one wants to spend money helping victims as gross as these, quite frankly. In the very humble opinion of VTS, we believe the population needs a culling anyway, and while this is a devastating loss, the victims should ride the death wave with gratitude in their hearts.
Just remember folks, if you pick your nose, you'll die (and we're eagerly awaiting it).
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| Real VillaiNose Victim. Photo credit: Amber Sok |
Fatality rates are skyrocketing. VillaiNose expert super scientist, Lana Banana-Womana, says "The only known cure at the moment is for these disgusting folks to stop digging for gold in their honkers." So far no one has come forth with any treatment plans, mostly as a result of the harsh discrimination against the victims. Anti-cure advocates claim that they're too yucky, stinky, nasty and that all nose-pickers should be left to rot in their snot.
Awareness campaigns are proving ineffective, and no one wants to spend money helping victims as gross as these, quite frankly. In the very humble opinion of VTS, we believe the population needs a culling anyway, and while this is a devastating loss, the victims should ride the death wave with gratitude in their hearts.
Just remember folks, if you pick your nose, you'll die (and we're eagerly awaiting it).
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