Grab your pitchforks and torches! Haul out your cages! There is a criminal in our midst and he must be stopped at all costs. If we need to sacrifice a few folks to get this guy behind bars, then so be it. The greater good comes first.
Punxsutawney Phil, that vile rodent, has been accused of lying and deceiving the public. Yes, he allowed the extension of winter by six weeks, but why then did it snow exactly five days after spring had begun? Only one creature on God's green Earth can account for this catastrophe, and he is roaming free at this very moment.
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| Poster credit to Amber Sok, Talented Girl Extraordinaire |
Centre Daily Times reports that the Monroe County Police already have a warrant out for Phil's arrest, but the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club's Inner Circle are fighting justice, tooth and nail. They've assigned him additional guard duty and they've made public declarations passing off the blame to Mother Nature. Mother Nature is an innocent! She is a saint! The nerve of the Inner Circle is astounding and shameful.
If the police cannot get a hold of Phil, then the responsibility falls upon the people. Vigilante justice is a necessity here as there is truly no other alternative option. Who knows what he might do next? Will it snow in July? Will it tsunami in the midwest? The only truth we can be certain of is that nothing is sacred while this wicked groundhog still has his freedom.
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