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The leader of our great Earth, President True Notfakeman, has succeeded in halting an era of disorder and dispute in the North Pole as the date of Christmas is moved from December 25th to December 23rd, effective immediately and forevermore. Photo Credit: Amber Sok, Chief Photographer During a press conference held in Ashburn, VA, President Notfakeman made it very clear that the powers that be have no issue with this new decree. "I have spoken to Santa and Mrs. Claus and they have no issue with this new decree," President Notfakeman stated. "As for my previous legislation suggesting an addition of two more Christmases, one in March, and the other in September, the negotiations are still in the works as the elves are in disagreement. Santa cannot handle another strike from the Elf Union again - not financially and certainly not emotionally. As we well know, Papa Elf's coup attempts have nearly deposed Santa multiple times in the past and the state of the North P...

Tragedy once again strikes the American people as the villainous nose-picking virus, VillaiNose, takes the lives of 3,000 more individuals this month, those of whom primarily consist of stinky teenage boys and gross adult men. For some reason, the disease seems to target the post-pubescent male demographic. It is a current scientific assumption that girls have evolved beyond the virus. Real VillaiNose Victim.  Photo credit: Amber Sok  We all know the signs by now, considering VillaiNose has been running rampant across the United States for the better part of this decade, but far too many people are learning to ignore the symptoms. Green snot will run down their nostrils, eventually turning into a bright and vibrant orange when the disease has reached its terminal stage. Hair starts falling out in large patches from the scalp and growing back in a dense thicket along the bridge of the infected individual's nose. Their skin becomes a startling fluorescent yellow color. See...

After asking a number of very important and smart people, the whole world has come to the conclusion that Amber Sok's happiness is sustaining everyone else's. This study has been years in the making, but the evidence is there. Since Amber's birth on August 28, 1997, the happiness index of the world rose by 3000%, and grows every time her paycheck appears in her bank account and whenever she is handed a cookie. Crashes rarely occur but when they do, every man, woman, and child on Earth starts crying inexplicably. Very strange stuff here, but I guess this just means we have to make sure she stays smiling. "I have dedicated the last twenty years of my life to this research, and it's all sound. Ever since I hypothesized this on the day she was born, there has been absolutely no evidence to debunk it and no evidence ever will." -Super Scientist Jared Bologneman "She's a delight and there's science to prove it." -Super Ultra Scientist Lana Ba...