World renown vampire and dictator, Drake Urblüd, has been assassinated in a grisly scene at a glamorous DC lounge. He was eliminated via a garlic puree air freshener misted into the air. Drake Urblüd, artist depiction by Amber Sok In 2003, Mr. Urblüd invaded Alexandria, VA and forced the region to secede from the United States. Though it is but a small portion of this great nation, the rest of the country mourned the loss with unending grief, and then swiftly abandoned the Alexandria populace to their new vampiric overlord. For years, we have heard hardly neither hide nor hair from him or the region he controls, and paparazzi are unable to capture his image, as vampires are invisible to the lens of a camera. The best we have is this artist's rendition of his likeness (attached). The restaurant owner, Ron Restrant, was supposedly appalled that this could happen in his own establishment, but can we even believe him? "I swear, we had no clue that was Overlord Urblüd,"
The leader of our great Earth, President True Notfakeman, has succeeded in halting an era of disorder and dispute in the North Pole as the date of Christmas is moved from December 25th to December 23rd, effective immediately and forevermore. Photo Credit: Amber Sok, Chief Photographer During a press conference held in Ashburn, VA, President Notfakeman made it very clear that the powers that be have no issue with this new decree. "I have spoken to Santa and Mrs. Claus and they have no issue with this new decree," President Notfakeman stated. "As for my previous legislation suggesting an addition of two more Christmases, one in March, and the other in September, the negotiations are still in the works as the elves are in disagreement. Santa cannot handle another strike from the Elf Union again - not financially and certainly not emotionally. As we well know, Papa Elf's coup attempts have nearly deposed Santa multiple times in the past and the state of the North P