Very Trustworthy Source

World renown vampire and dictator, Drake Urblüd, has been assassinated in a grisly scene at a glamorous DC lounge. He was eliminated via a garlic puree air freshener misted into the air. Drake Urblüd, artist depiction by Amber Sok In 2003, Mr. Urblüd invaded Alexandria, VA and forced the region to secede from the United States. Though it is but a small portion of this great nation, the rest of the country mourned the loss with unending grief, and then swiftly abandoned the Alexandria populace to their new vampiric overlord. For years, we have heard hardly neither hide nor hair from him or the region he controls, and paparazzi are unable to capture his image, as vampires are invisible to the lens of a camera. The best we have is this artist's rendition of his likeness (attached). The restaurant owner, Ron Restrant, was supposedly appalled that this could happen in his own establishment, but can we even believe him? "I swear, we had no clue that was Overlord Urblüd,...

The leader of our great Earth, President True Notfakeman, has succeeded in halting an era of disorder and dispute in the North Pole as the date of Christmas is moved from December 25th to December 23rd, effective immediately and forevermore. Photo Credit: Amber Sok, Chief Photographer During a press conference held in Ashburn, VA, President Notfakeman made it very clear that the powers that be have no issue with this new decree. "I have spoken to Santa and Mrs. Claus and they have no issue with this new decree," President Notfakeman stated. "As for my previous legislation suggesting an addition of two more Christmases, one in March, and the other in September, the negotiations are still in the works as the elves are in disagreement. Santa cannot handle another strike from the Elf Union again - not financially and certainly not emotionally. As we well know, Papa Elf's coup attempts have nearly deposed Santa multiple times in the past and the state of the North P...

In honor of National Vanilla Milkshake Day, an unusual but highly necessary holiday, we at Very Trustworthy Source will be holding a nationwide competition to see who's milkshake will bring the most boys to their yard. Now, obviously we don't expect anyone to bring as many in as our wonderful and talented chef/artist/model/princess of loveliness, Amber Sok, will. Her recipe book is coming out later this year, so rest assured this woman is amazing in the kitchen and she can teach you, but she'll have to charge. Poster Credit: Amber Sok, Princess of Loveliness The submission process is easy. Just take a picture of yourself and all the boys in the yard with one person holding up a sign that reads, "It's better than yours." Following this, the entrant should hold the smartphone they used to capture the picture and rub it between their palms, really warm it up. Lala, lala, la. Then, go back to making some more milkshakes, because the boys are waiting.  ...

Tragedy once again strikes the American people as the villainous nose-picking virus, VillaiNose, takes the lives of 3,000 more individuals this month, those of whom primarily consist of stinky teenage boys and gross adult men. For some reason, the disease seems to target the post-pubescent male demographic. It is a current scientific assumption that girls have evolved beyond the virus. Real VillaiNose Victim.  Photo credit: Amber Sok  We all know the signs by now, considering VillaiNose has been running rampant across the United States for the better part of this decade, but far too many people are learning to ignore the symptoms. Green snot will run down their nostrils, eventually turning into a bright and vibrant orange when the disease has reached its terminal stage. Hair starts falling out in large patches from the scalp and growing back in a dense thicket along the bridge of the infected individual's nose. Their skin becomes a startling fluorescent yellow color. See...

Grab your pitchforks and torches! Haul out your cages!  There is a criminal in our midst and he must be stopped at all costs . If we need to sacrifice a few folks to get this guy behind bars, then so be it. The greater good comes first. Poster credit to Amber Sok, Talented Girl Extraordinaire Punxsutawney Phil, that vile rodent, has been accused of lying and deceiving the public. Yes, he allowed the extension of winter by six weeks, but why then did it snow exactly five days after spring had begun? Only one creature on God's green Earth can account for this catastrophe, and he is roaming free at this very moment.  Centre Daily Times reports that the Monroe County Police already have a warrant out for Phil's arrest, but the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club's Inner Circle are fighting justice, tooth and nail. They've assigned him additional guard duty and they've made public declarations passing off the blame to Mother Nature. Mother Nature is an innocent!  She...

After asking a number of very important and smart people, the whole world has come to the conclusion that Amber Sok's happiness is sustaining everyone else's. This study has been years in the making, but the evidence is there. Since Amber's birth on August 28, 1997, the happiness index of the world rose by 3000%, and grows every time her paycheck appears in her bank account and whenever she is handed a cookie. Crashes rarely occur but when they do, every man, woman, and child on Earth starts crying inexplicably. Very strange stuff here, but I guess this just means we have to make sure she stays smiling. "I have dedicated the last twenty years of my life to this research, and it's all sound. Ever since I hypothesized this on the day she was born, there has been absolutely no evidence to debunk it and no evidence ever will." -Super Scientist Jared Bologneman "She's a delight and there's science to prove it." -Super Ultra Scientist Lana Ba...